That is ugly AF! But it's okay.
An illustration from my Substack newsletter Oh, F@#k: I’m an Artist!
One of my favorite scenes from the cult classic film Pee-wee’s Big Adventure has our star hitchhiking across the country in search of his stolen bike. Along the way, a trucker picks him up, and before Pee-wee can get comfortable in his seat, the driver regales him with a story of the worst crash she’s ever witnessed. When she gets to the pivotal part of her story, she turns to Pee Wee to reveal her true self.
The woman’s face mutates into this weird playdoh blob with bulging eyes and gray hair that sprouts out like tentacles. At least that is how I remembered it in my then 13-year-old mind.
It was terrifying. It was hilarious. And it was just plain ugly.
That is how I feel about my art sometimes. No matter what I had in my head about a project, it sometimes (well… if we’re being really honest here many times) looks like a hot mess on canvas.
It stressed me out for a while. How was I going to make a career of this thing called art if everything I produced looked like it was done after an Ayahuasca session in Palm Springs?
But then I think about Ira Glass. Not because I want to do a podcast or listen to This American Life at this particular moment. (though I love both those ideas) I mention Ira because he has OFTEN been quoted deconstructing the gap period between your ambition and what you actually create in the beginning of your career.
He even endorses this video from Daniel Sax who helps to visualize this moment for us.
Glass identifies and embraces the “Gap” between what we hold in our brains and what comes out. In our heads, everything looks amazing because as he says we have great “taste.” But the gap between taste and execution is vast in most cases, leading to a lot of UGLY ASS work. (My words not his.)
I say ugly because sometimes it’s just cool to call a thing a thing. It also helps you better recognize when something is the opposite of that.
And on this journey of building an arts practice, we may feel a bit like Moses and his crew back in the Old Testament, After years of suffering we take a huge leap of faith only to end up wandering around a desert, forever trying, but not reaching, the promised land of artistic greatness. ( For non-religious folks - think of actor Charlton Heston filming in Egypt with a cast of hundreds just waiting hours and hours for craft services to arrive. It may seem like 40 years before you get your tuna melt.)
But the good news is, the more you produce, the more beautiful things you can pick out of your work each time until FINALLY you have something worth crowing about.
So here’s to making UGLY stuff, it’s just the wrapping paper that covers up all your amazing work.
If I could make an UGLY transition: As I continue this art journey I need your support. Please subscribe (there is a free version) or you can be like Ciara and level up to a monthly, yearly, or founder subscription. There will be goodies. And they won’t be ugly, I swear.
